Structured Narcissism

I am tired and it’s moving day! Oh and my Bf is a dick this early in the morning but I love him. However, he is super nice after caffeine!!!! Go addiction to stimulants!

Guess what guys. I decided…well we have decided to basically sign a lease. WHAT WHAT WHAT YOU SAY? Didnt you just start dating this guy? Wait and didnt you just leave Matt for this guy a week or so ago? Yes. These are all true. I am aware that we might be considered INSANE for doing this but we discussed it and it makes total sense to us. I spoke to my parents about this and they although a little confused are on board. The thing is this. With Jason he has all the qualities that make me happy. I have not once had an argument with him, and if anything annoys me we seem to talk it over. Now, who knows this could be the lithium I am taking or we honestly really can communicate. For the last couple days he has been staying with me and tomorrow we will transfer my lease to a 2 bedroom in my apartment complex. Jason and me have already looked at the finances and can handle a 2 bedroom. Now, I spoke to Jeremy about this and he actually thinks its a great idea. He loves Jason to the point that they hang out together without me and Jeremy has told me “there is no one better for you, he is just as neurotic and it might just work out”. The last month or so of meeting, and knowing Jason have honestly been some of the happiest moments of my life. The guy just knows how to charm. We are both taken aback at how effortless and comfortable we are together. It seems like years I have known this man. I do truly love him. I think that is scary since I have known him for such a sort time but I never have lived my life that normal. Why start now?

8/10/2011 is the move in date.

To not be a commitment phobic! It’s hard guys!

I have so much going on right now. I decided to take the GRE and try to get into grad school. Even though my GPA is horrible if I CAN pull a high GRE score most grad programs will let me in. I have decided to apply for a M.A. in counseling and also cognitive educational systems. I figured since I get half off tuition, why the hell not get a masters. The test is scheduled for 2 months from now, which is ample time to study. I would then take 6 hours per semester and many self study courses so I can keep my full time job. I also will work flex time on certain days to go to morning classes. I decided to go back after urging from my mother and jason who let me know he thinks I am one of the most intelligent people he has met and would do great in graduate school. He is helping me study for the GRE. I guess I am becoming stagnant in IT, many people I know have told me that I give good advice. I might be crazy but I am logical when it comes to other people. I can step back and process information better. This is exciting. YAY.

I stopped dating anyone other than Matt. Why? I feel stupid dating others at this point. My plan was to date a few people for 3 months then if one of them sparks my interest develop a relationship with them. I so far have dated 4-5 people in one month and have met one that has definitely done just that. He lives in Mckinney which is a little lame but I can deal with that. I would be stupid to date others just so that I stick to my plan because when I am out on dates when it is not Matt, I just dont give a fuck. Its futile to date other men. I still have to tell the other guy who has been getting awfully attached. However, it has to be done. I am kind of scared to tell him based on how much he is into me. I just cant lead him on.

I realize this goes against the suggestion of most people and my therapist but I dated 4 people in the last month and honestly this dating bullshit is not for me. I am reluctant to commit(which I am not at this point) but I feel weird now dating other people.

Now, I still love and care for Michael but its a fading feeling of adoration and respect, not the feeling of romantic love. I think I have realized in the end he was a good guy but the wrong guy. I wish him well. His website is picking up and he is now able to devote way more time to his passions. I hope everything works out for him. He impacted my life greatly and I always will love him for it. He is wonderful.

However, I have always wanted to have a career, a husband and a kid. I realized with him he would not be at that point for maybe 10 years. I am looking for that in the next 3-5. Thus, I made sure this time to date ONLY family men or adults that have their career and responsibilities already settled. I feel this time around I am being more logical about who I date. In the past I would have gone for the esoteric grad student who is brooding and dark. I thought about it and that is just silly. I want a fucking adult.

I guess here is to jumping in full force and hoping I do not drown.

Now what? There is this incredible person that has almost overshadowed the other guys(no no not jason, although he is pretty awesome) I have been dating. Oh sigh. It kinda makes dating casually dating people super difficult almost tedious. Also lets not kid ourselves I have a thing for people typically 7-10 years older than me. I think it is due to where they are in their lives. I realized I am looking for someone who is older who has a career, a house and someone with similar interests. I want someone who in the next 2-4 years wants to get married and start a life together. 

This guy has a kid which usually would freak me out but in this case it makes him more attractive because of how responsible he is with her. Plus, for fathers day he took her to Seaworld for the day and that is just awesome! That is adorable. He became divorced last year after his wife admitted to an affair. So, he does have some baggage.  I guess I will go into a little about him since this blog has become Andrea’s dating blog. He is 34, originally from Malibu California and moved here 5 years ago. He is 6’3, brown eyes, brown hair, fit and drop dead gorgeous. He is a very soft spoken, intelligent and kind person. He works as a systems engineer and makes decent money.

So, far there is little I can see that would annoy me. I have not had one argument or disagreement with him yet. That is a big deal. He tends to be a bit of a beer snob, and an elitist which is how I am. So I approve. He plays guitar and treats me like a lady. Opens doors, pays for most things, helps me out with little tasks and so on. Plus, he knows so much about IT and I need to know a lot more about it. He already taught me some of the basics of networking. NERDCRED.  Bah, I am still going to date for 2-4 more months before doing ANYTHING with him. So, I do not completely mess things up.  :)

matt

Matt and Maddie

I feel like I am on crack. I decided to buy a monster energy drink and now I realize why I never should drink these things. I am 100 percent shaky and feeling a little sick to my tummy. Oh well. I needed a pick me up and I definitely found one.

My life has been all over the place as of lately. I am dating two people continuously. So far both are cool. I hate hate hate hate doing this casual dating bullshit. Honestly this is harder then I expected. I am not to get into a serious relationship for at least 6 months but I have one guy trying to plan a trip to Austin for July 4th with me and the other one is constantly taking me out and meeting his friends. BAH! Suffice it to say I have had a busy few weeks. Went to an awesome burlesque show with Jason and met a few of his FMLA and ISO friends. That was fun, also went to Noah and the whale with him and we ended up dancing the whole time. This guy actually wants to go take swing lessons(he brought that up) which is so weird to me but whatever. After that we ended up AGAIN at the Amsterdam and had a few drinks.

The other guy is way more mature and much more adult. He has a kiddo and is a engineer. He is 100 percent into me and trying to make me his. I mean trying hard. He wants to take me to some expensive restaurant on thurs for a “real” date as he calls it. Apparently I am supposed to dress up because there is a dress code enforced. Whatever floats his boat. Likewise he wants to take me to austin or new orleans for july 4th, but I told him that is a little too soon to plan a trip together.

Men are psycho.